Home Satire SATIRE: Students skip classes to join bathroom putt-putt tournament

SATIRE: Students skip classes to join bathroom putt-putt tournament

student plays bathroom putt-putt

This article was originally published as part of the 2020 edition of Fifty42. Fifty42 is 42Fifty’s April Fool’s edition, and consists entirely of satire. This content is published purely for the purposes of humor and entertainment – it is entirely fictional and is not meant to be viewed as “real news” or taken seriously in any way. Any references to real people are based almost entirely in fiction.

UPDATE: Due to the recent COVID-19 pandemic, the sport is delayed until someone makes a Zoom hotspot so the tournament can continue from our own bathrooms. 

During all periods, there have been putt-putt golf tournaments taking place in certain bathrooms at Oswego High School.

Also known as minigolf, putt-putt consists of players trying to hit golf balls into a series of holes using the least number of moves possible.

Currently, the juniors are in the lead, with Michael Myers taking first place with 100 points. In second place is the seniors with lead player Kevin Heck scoring 88 points. 

Journalism teacher Ms. Tarah Feet is one of the only teachers that are very supportive towards the movement.

“School sucks, and students should be able to participate in this because they will get more out of it then school will ever give them,” Ms. Feet said. “I will wholeheartedly donate my whole life savings toward these students.”

The students say that it’s a stress reliever and that they should be able to go do this as they please. The clubs and golf balls, donated by Feet, are stored in the bathrooms. 

“I’ve been playing golf for years, but nothing compares to the enjoyment I get for playing putt-putt,” junior Jobe Barbie said. “Some of the older teachers just don’t understand our generation. We live off of this, and we need it.”

Officer Fun, the OHS school resource officer, had to increase security near the bathrooms because teachers have been trying to sabotage the tournaments. 

“I just caught English 3 teacher Lynn Remain trying to scout out what bathrooms the students play in,” Funn said. “I’m ordering Wike Mayne and Dave Marlin to stand outside the bathrooms at all times and not administer for the time being.”

The teachers, save Ms. Feet, are not too happy about students skipping class to participate in the “hogwash” sport.

Some teachers have tried to find the stashes of clubs and golf balls to confiscate them, but students have been rotating them through each of the bathrooms to avoid them from being found.

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