I have to say, I did my best in hopes that I’d get somewhere.
People had high expectations of me, and it’s true that there is so much I could have been and so much I could have worked even harder for, but (for better or worse) I ended up here.
And now, I bring to the world my words of gratitude before graduating.
To my grandparents, who have given me so much and have done their very best to support me in any and all ways possible:
There’s far too much I never shared with you. I have so many things I wish to say, but so much I don’t, simply because I cannot put any of my thoughts into words. Had I genuinely attempted to learn your language the same way you tried to learn English, maybe I could have bonded more with you, learned a few life lessons, spent time learning skills you have, watched what you watch and listened to what you listen to, like I did when I was smaller. I no longer feel like I know how to connect with you like I used to. Please forgive me for having become as distant as I have over the time that has passed and the troubles that have grown.
To my mother, who has always sought the best for me even when I failed to see it in myself:
You looked at my skills and considered what futures were good for me, even considering my lack of social capabilities in a lot of things when I first started high school. I only found my place when I finally decided what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. You asked me if I was sure, if I felt like I could take on my future, and I do. Mostly. You ask me why I distance myself from any strong emotional connection with you or others, and I say it’s because I’m not an emotional guy. Whether or not I lied, you’ve worried enough about me now. I’m not doing as well as I hoped, but I’m still fighting the same fight for everything I feel is my life. In nine years, I hope to stand in front of you and tell you everything I can thank you for and more. As the pillar upon which most of my life is, my words alone will never be enough. I’ll make you proud, I promise.
To my sisters, the oldest of the bunch:
I cannot compare myself to your achievements or in any way at all. You’ve all been so much more. I liked the idea of relating more, but I never was similar. I cannot be like you in the ways I wish I were sometimes. I want to be more rational and considerate like you. I want to be as dedicated as you. Though I will certainly see to it that I live my life as best as I can to both my goals and to grow as a person even more, I’ve yet to reach the type of success you three have shown in yourselves. I truly hope to live up to that, regardless of expectations.
To my sisters, the youngest of the bunch:
You probably could have enjoyed an older brother who wasn’t laughing every time you did something as small as hiding a cookie or as big as breaking something. I can’t say you’ve grown much, but regardless, please look for the best in people even when they’re ever so slightly annoying. I know you have a lot more time to grow up, but I’ll be around if you need anything or are unsure about something. I’m still there for you any day, so ask away any questions and I’ll do my best to answer them no matter what. I hope to be a better role model for you in the future, though I must apologize for not being that now.
To my only brother, whom I will never not think of:
I’m sorry you never heard from me after that. I’m sorry I left so much earlier than I planned to. I’m sorry I never said anything about it. I’m sorry you weren’t told the truth then or now. I want you to know the only truth that matters; text me or call me, I can and will immediately drop what I can to see you. I don’t care if it’s in the next week or the next decade, please reach me. I left without a word to you beforehand. For that, I shame myself. You needed someone, and nobody was there for you. I hope you reach out to me, but please do your best to stay standing like I taught you to. Take care of yourself, and look forward to your high school life. You’ll do well, I’m sure of it.
To my teachers and all the adults who have seen me grow as a person from my arrogance to now:
I will work to live up to the expectations you have of me. You’ve seen me go from being annoying on the daily to being someone people look up to. I landed a job in the career I want, and I get to apply the skills you’ve taught me rather often. Though not everything is used, the skills are very much appreciated. My life will go on, and I will likely use more of these. I look forward to it. I wish to show up in the future and present to you the fact that I’m happy. I want to show you the efforts you made that truly sent someone to success. I must present to you that you are part of why I am at my best in the future, even if you only helped with one small thing. Be it a complicated high school course or having taught me to forgive others as a small child, you’ve made something of me. It amazes me to understand that this is what most people mean when they say it takes a village to raise a child; not one person teaches everything, and not one person teaches nothing. Thank you for your dedication to me and all the others you have brought help to. I stand looking at the pillars you have placed to hold the roof above me, and I intend to do the same for others. You are an inspiration to many people, I hope you know that.
To my friends and all those I’ve connected with before, be it for the fun of it or for some project in class:
Regardless of whether or not we were locked in, it was a pleasure to learn about you and find interesting things about you while we worked. I hope to hear from some of you in the future, as I wonder if we’ll be up to the same old shenanigans from the past by then. You’ve probably seen me at some of my best or worst times, and if the latter is true, then I hope to show you I am not a wreck like that by then. The future is bright for all of us, and I sincerely look forward to seeing where all of you go.
I am a 1st year Staff editor for 42Fifty, a senior at Oswego High School. I know plenty that I wish to share with all, but most will remain as is for the meanwhile. You can contact me by emailing 42Fifty@sd308.org and putting my name in the subject line. We welcome comments on our articles and feedback on our publication!
