On Aug. 25, 2023, a 17-year-old named Kai released an EP titled “Today I Laid Down.” He submitted the project to a YouTube livestream by Brad Taste in Music, to which it was met with overwhelmingly positive feedback and praise by both Brad and the stream chat. Only a few months following this, Kai tragically took his own life. Since then, “Today I Laid Down” has received even more praise and is now a beloved staple of the online music community.
I fell in love with this release and was deeply touched by the absolutely soul-crushing lyrical content especially. I feel a deep connection to what is being talked about on the EP, and I truly wish Kai was still around to talk about it. I reached out to his parents to gather some perspective on Kai’s life and influences, as well as what they want the world to know about Kai in general.
“I just wanted people to know that Kai was more than just this kid who killed himself. He was a brilliant musician and a great person,” said Jon Wesener, Kai’s father.
In an interview from their home in Fremont, California, Jon and Gin Wesener spoke very fondly of their son’s artistic brilliance and extraordinary character.
“He was a remarkable person, not just as an artist. We just wish he stayed,” said Gin Wesener, Kai’s mother.
From a young age, Kai proved himself to be a musically minded and talented person. His mother worked at a record store, and both of his parents greatly enjoyed music in general.
“Kai and Jade, his older sister, heard our playlists growing up. The Beatles, The Smiths, The Cure … And of course they developed a taste of their own. He had a very eclectic taste,” Gin reminisced.
Gin and Jon happily encouraged this love for music as Kai grew up.
“I was always pushing him towards music as well because I thought it was one of those things that would help him through life. You can always rely on music, it’s one of those things that I believe in, music can really help you through life’s problems,” Jon stated.
Kai’s parents didn’t learn about the release or even the existence of “Today I Laid Down” until after his death, but have since gotten involved in the online community and the reception surrounding the album.
“It was a surprise to us that there’s this complete EP that was put out because he never really told us he did,” Gin stated. “The music is beautiful, but it’s so personal.”
Although the lyrics are quite brief on this project, they manage to touch on the most personal and dark aspects of depression, suicide, and isolation.
“He also had his reasons, though, because this was his. If he shared it with us, he knew that we would try to help him and get involved. This was his thing, and I totally get that,” Jon explained.
Kai wrote about his troubles connecting with those around him and all the subsequent feelings that come along with that.
“[He was] very empathetic, he always tried to make people feel better, but he felt he had trouble connecting with people,” said Jon. “Which is really odd, because everyone loved him. At the celebration of life, so many people walked up and talked about how great he was, and what a great friend he was,” added Gin.
Despite being written, recorded, and produced solely by Kai and the instruments he had in his room, “Today I Laid Down” possesses the sound, writing, and maturity of a project by a developed and established artist.
“I don’t know how he did it, to be honest. I know what he has in his bedroom: this really cheap drum set, a Mac Mini, guitars, an amp, good mics, and Logic Pro. But the thing is, the sound is really clean. I don’t know how he did some of it,” Jon said.
Since the release of his EP and his death, Kai has received hundreds of positive messages and wishes across sites like rateyourmusic.com, albumoftheyear.org, the comment section of the video that came from the aforementioned Brad Taste in Music live stream and his obituary page.
Many people have left comments about how Kai’s music touched or inspired them personally, cementing Kai’s legacy as an artist and a person through the experiences of many.
“Of course, we feel proud. We feel so happy for him, and it’s bittersweet because we wish that he could have seen all this love,” Gin said.
Kai’s parents repeatedly stressed the importance of speaking out about mental health issues and making invisible illnesses known.
“Kai himself was an incredible person, but if there’s anything that we want other people to know, it’s that if you even remotely suffer from anxiety or depression, just speak to someone,” Gin said. “Or if your friends have this, let people know because sometimes these kids can’t speak for themselves,” Jon added.
If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal ideation, please contact the national suicide prevention hotline at 988. This is not a solution to such thoughts or actions, but it could provide some immediate help or at least be a step in the right direction. You can also reach out to the OH student services team by visiting student services or scheduling an appointment with your counselor.
My name is Austin Lamb and I am a senior at Oswego High School. This is my third year with 42Fifty, and I can't wait to get back into writing and reviewing. I greatly enjoy playing and listening to music, as well as writing. I've always been interested in writing, especially about things that can be critiqued and looked at subjectively. I play the guitar in a band with my friends and primarily listen to metal music but enjoy and appreciate all genres. I hope that my editing abilities, writing knowledge, and leadership skills will pay off for the publications.
This is a beautiful piece, Austin. I truly hope for the best for Kai’s family and his memory. You’re a talented writer, and Kai was an equally as talented person.