This summer, 42Fifty’s favorite advisor Ms. Hands will be celebrating the union of her and her little journalist fiance in the form of marriage. Last school year, Ms. Hands announced to her journalism class that she got engaged, and all year she has been talking to the 42Fifty staff about her planning for this wedding. We, as a staff, know when, and where it is, and what dress she’ll be wearing, so where is our invitation?
We have worked just as hard. We single-handedly hold Ms. Hands together some days…Dare we say, this wedding wouldn’t be on track without us.
Ms. Hands has boasted and bragged all year long, sharing details regarding her dress, her cake, and her makeup appointments with us. It’s only fair that we receive a formal invitation.
42Fifty staff can offer free DJing and would be willing to MC as well. Tori Trevino, OHS keynote speaker, could whip up a heartwarming, tear-jerking speech. Collectively with Austin Lamb’s hard rock jams, Delaney Holman’s indie tunes, Brady Monahan’s dad jams, Rae Barry’s female manipulator music, and Jake Dickerson’s MGK, we could pull together a very diverse setlist.
St. Louis is a beautiful place to have a wedding, we would love to share this special day with Ms. Hands as she should want to spend it with us too.
We would be amazing bridesmaids and groomsmen (see photo below for reference)
See how perfect we look in formal wear!
Our qualifications to go to this wedding far surpass how well we clean up.
Someones gotta get on the dance floor and start the party, Kira and Zander’s unhinged behavior would be perfect to release some sick dance moves and ensure the crowd can get into it too.
Did your florist suddenly get sick and fall down a flight of stairs?! NO WORRIES! Rae Barry is to the rescue.
Need transportation out of your wedding? Well, we tied some cans onto the back of Rae A’s modality scooter, and it’s good to go!
Don’t even worry about getting a photographer, Trinity Heard will bring her camera! It probably won’t be charged, and she won’t be able to figure out how to upload the photos, but she will hopefully bring it.
The drinks provided by you will be quality checked by yours truly, Abraham Gallegos, but expect an article to be written about them.
Don’t worry about our behavior, we will act dignified! Well, “we” as in Miranda and Ava.
Have you ever been to a wedding that had a Snapchat geotag and filter? Ana Iracheta, 42Fifty’s social media manager, can make that happen for you.
Our one other request is a plus one for Sammie’s…older boyfriend, but it might work out because I can’t guarantee Alexa’s attendance.
In the long run, we know that writing this won’t change anything about whether or not we’ll be invited. 42Fifty staff members hope that Ms. Hands has the best time of her life, and we will be crashing no matter what. If worst comes to worst, we will pull out the press passes. See you then!
Side Note: On the behalf of 42Fifty staff we would like to formally issue an apology to Zach Kram. We mean no harm and wish you the best of luck…you’re gonna need it. Email me here firstname.lastname@example.org to send the invite, we would like to RSVP before it’s too late. (Heads up—we need two vegetarian options and a plus one for Zander. Thanks!)