As days pass, and adulthood is seemingly inching closer and closer to reality, I feel as if I can’t breathe properly. Time moves so quickly that nothing feels stable. My life is ever-changing with new occurrences and experiences every day.
Except one thing has never changed, my “2006 Carters cute as can bee bear” which was given the name Lovey.
My desire for time to move faster has conflicted with my despair of getting older for my entire high school career. I’ve cried at last concerts, last days of school, and countless other lasts, all while speeding out of classrooms, crossing off squares on my calendar, and praying the days would pass quicker.
My smile has come to be something of a trademark of my personality. At one time or another, every person I have met has commented on its squintiness and cheesy nature.
I used to hate it, used to hate that I always looked like I was blinking in every picture with my friends- my chin lifted to the sky and mouth as wide as it could go.
Throughout my 18 years, the number of times I have been asked the questions “Do you speak?” and “Why are you so quiet?” is too high to count, and for a while, I’ve never been able to give a solid answer. The truth is, silence is a flickering flame within my soul; it never goes out, and it spreads and shrinks in a gradual cycle, always lingering.
With the people I loved and were closest to, I was a completely different version of myself, one who spoke her mind and laughed until her stomach ached and would stop midwalk to pick a dandelion, cradling it in her hand like her most prized possession.
Knowing you're the first kid in your family to finish high school can be overwhelming.
Reaching the end of my teenage years, never seeing classmates again, and facing adulthood is also a lot. Growing up has always been a challenge for the typical teenager. We were once set on wanting to grow up and be an adult, and yet here we are wishing we were at our prime youth again.