Home Satire Too schooled for cool: Students become the teachers for the rest...

[SATIRE] Too schooled for cool: Students become the teachers for the rest of the semester

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Text: Students and teachers swap roles. Distressed, masked eggs on a green chalkboard background.
Chalkboard: "Chalkboard" by jyeagerpremusacom is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0 Egg: "Worried easter egg wearing a face mask. COVID-19" by Ivan Radic is licensed under CC BY 2.0 "eggs_emotions" by Thalyson Nepomuceno is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

*Fifty42 is 42Fifty’s April Fool’s edition, and consists entirely of satire. This content is published purely for the purposes of humor and entertainment – it is entirely fictional and is not meant to be viewed as “real news” or taken seriously in any way. Any references to real people are based almost entirely in fiction.

COVID-19 has placed a lot of stress on teachers and students, especially during a slow return back to school. Oswego High School has been looking for ways to lessen this stress and make the transition back to in-person learning as easy as possible. 

The mad scramble of searching for enough substitute teachers was examined by OHS staff, and the best solution for this, which will be in effect until the end of the semester, is students becoming the teachers and the teachers becoming the students. 

Students will be alternating days they teach based on the last letter of their last name. Letters A- L are Mondays and Tuesdays and letters M-Z are Thursdays and Fridays. Wednesday will continue to be a remote day so the student-teachers can evenly split the days they are responsible for teaching. 

This plan allows for the numerous student-teachers to fill in for their coworkers if need be and substitute teachers to be more plentiful. However, OHS did not expect there to be such a lack of teaching experience from students, despite them watching their teachers work every school day. 

The previous teachers gave the new teachers (their former students) their lesson plans and their calendar for the rest of the week. After panicking that they will not be able to fit all of the plans into their schedule of relaxation and fun time, the new teachers began assigning the students hours of homework each night, which they forgot to post on Google Classroom.

“How am I supposed to do all my new teacher duties and remember to actually post the assignments?” questioned the new teacher and former student, Kay Oss. “The students should be responsible for finding this on their own.” 

Confusion and stress built amongst the students as their grades began to drop because the teachers thought they posted the assignments and that none of the students completed them. Emails are being sent left and right, and teachers began to feel overwhelmed. Administrators also feel this stress when students begin emailing about the unprofessionalism of their teachers and are stating they are better at the job. 

“I was a teacher for 20 years before this swap happened, and I have never seen the school in this situation,” said Joe King, a 25-year-old former teacher, and new student.

To add to this, the teachers are being told that they are being too lenient on attendance, so they begin to be more strict and mark their students absent for being 15 seconds late and not having their cameras on. 

“I didn’t know that I had to turn on my camera, despite the teacher telling me it is required, so I was not expecting this to reflect my attendance,” said Jay Walker, a former teacher, and new student. 

The students are becoming discouraged and are falling behind in their assignments due to the chaos and confusion that issues with attendance and assignments are causing. The teachers rushed to find out how to post assignments correctly on Google Classroom and how to send an email without grammatical errors. Chaos built. 

Finally, a week after the swap began, the teachers gave up and started assigning their students stand-up comedy presentations that will be graded. If the student presents a very hilarious joke, the teacher will consider passing them. If the joke lacks the laugh-factor that the teachers require, they will be failed automatically and will have to retake the classes they failed. 

The students are now scrambling to find funny jokes but are told by their teachers that they can not use the Internet. They all came together at a Student Board meeting on the fifth Monday of March and planned a strike against their teachers. The strike will consist of them parading through the halls and chanting a stand-up joke they found on the Internet in order to convey that they should at least be able to use the Internet.

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