Home Satire School board approves Phase 25 for hybrid learning

[SATIRE] School board approves Phase 25 for hybrid learning

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diagonally slashed. Top half: OHS with Phase 25 in red text. Bottom half: zoom logo and cutout of random man in business attire.
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*Fifty42 is 42Fifty’s April Fool’s edition, and consists entirely of satire. This content is published purely for the purposes of humor and entertainment – it is entirely fictional and is not meant to be viewed as “real news” or taken seriously in any way. Any references to real people are based almost entirely in fiction.

The school board recently announced a new phase for hybrid learning: 1/16 of students will attend in-person every 15 minutes, and all teachers will work from home.

Many students are looking forward to this plan as they have adjusted so well to the lack of social interaction over the past year. A great number of OHS students have expressed their excitement about cycling through classes every 15 minutes since they are in constant need of change and cannot make their attention span last much longer than the given time.

“Ever since we began at-home learning, I’ve lost a lot of focus and decided to devote most of my time to TikTok, ” shares sophomore Rice Hall. “I open the app, spend about 32 seconds scrolling, close it, and then open it again. I can’t wait to do the same with my schoolwork in-person.” We could not get much else out of him as he pulled out his phone mid-interview.

However, the group that is most excited for this change is the parents, who have spent the last two months singing outside of school board meetings in hopes that we will soon take their kids out of their homes once again.

Meanwhile, the teachers are wary about returning home as they are not ready to be alone with their thoughts once again. Still, some staff members are finding benefits out of working from home.

“When I teach online and my students are home, I’ll have a full class of muted mics and turned-off cameras,” says Ms. Trunchbull. “I can’t wait to teach from home and turn off my mic and camera in response. That 1/16 in class is just going to have to learn on their own.”

While there is much excitement for Phase 25, we are already looking forward to advancing to Phase 26, which includes throwing the entire student body into one classroom for five minutes with no talking, only breathing.

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