* Disclaimer: This column includes mention of suicidal ideation.
“He was unheeded, happy, and near to the wild heart of life. He was alone and young and wilful and wildhearted, alone amid a waste of wild air and brackish waters and the seaharvest of shells and tangle and veiled grey sunlight.” – Jon Krakauer, “Into The Wild.”
I’ve dealt with suicidal ideation, as have many, many people on this Earth, especially in this day and age. I think that, in a way, all of these people belong together in some form or another. We are all connected through some sort of invisible string that dangles us above a creeping urge to disappear. Yet somehow, I have constructed a will to move forward on the foundation of a truth that I find to be universal, which so far has kept me firmly grounded in reality and yearning for life and experience.
Each time that I have attempted to help a friend through a suicidal episode or attempt before, during, or after the fact, which has happened far more times than I have the heart for, I build my reasoning on this aforementioned universal truth. This truth pertains to nature and the subjective yet universal human experience in terms of sensation and feeling.
It may at first seem out of touch with the realities of living through true hardships such as poverty, systemic injustice, and other such issues that one may unfairly face from birth, but I believe that it may still at least serve as somewhat of a comforting safety net on which to lay a mind on at the end of one’s hardest days. It has helped me and those I’ve attempted to console, but it is by no means generalizable to anyone in every situation.
I essentially believe that at the end of the day, no matter how hard things get or how undeniably horrible a situation may feel or truly be, I can find comfort in the fact that humans have the ability to feel. We have the ability to experience the things around us, in the most simple sense of the concept. I can always retreat back to nature with absolutely nothing material in hand and live amongst what is real and (hopefully) ever-present.
I can feel soft grass and hard bark, smell lavender and silk trees, see beautiful flourishing life all around me, and hear the presence of everything else living and experiencing in my vicinity. Again, this is not some solution to any kind of real-world problem by any means, but by accentuating the beauty of experience in its purest form and living for that, if nothing else, I have brought myself and some others great comfort during times of mental and emotional anguish.
It is all based on how one views the experience and what they make of it.
My name is Austin Lamb and I am a senior at Oswego High School. This is my third year with 42Fifty, and I can't wait to get back into writing and reviewing. I greatly enjoy playing and listening to music, as well as writing. I've always been interested in writing, especially about things that can be critiqued and looked at subjectively. I play the guitar in a band with my friends and primarily listen to metal music but enjoy and appreciate all genres. I hope that my editing abilities, writing knowledge, and leadership skills will pay off for the publications.
Austin, this is so beautiful. It’s so hard to find words, but I’m so glad you’re with us. 💙💙