* Fifty42 is the April Fool’s edition and consists entirely of satire. This content is published purely for humor and entertainment – it is entirely fictional and is not meant to be viewed as “real news” or taken seriously in any way. Any references to real people are based almost entirely on fiction.
On March 23, 2024, OH bathrooms will immediately close due to upcoming construction by order of new superintendent Dr. Rigatoni.
This change is due to a proposal presented to the school to get rid of the bathrooms, and it passed.
Superintendent Dr. Rigatino is “tired of screwing around. Constantly, kids are missing classes to use the bathroom, and we need a change. It will no longer be tolerated from here on out.”
Ready to make a change in our school’s environment, Dr. Rigatoni is determined to put an end to the mischief and general disrespect.
In place of the old bathrooms will be much-needed classroom spaces. Instead of using traditional chairs, the district will keep the toilets as seats as a cost-saving measure. Medical professional Dr. James Murray describes them as comfortable, and a promoter for good posture.
This change can also decrease the amount of vandalism, bullying, and other misconduct that occurs in unsupervised bathrooms.
Not many students are aware of the new changes happening to the building, “NOO!!!“ screamed OH freshman Brian Quinn. “This is unacceptable. They already have half of the bathrooms closed and they’re destroying them all,” he said, referencing vandalism at the hands of fellow students.
Since the return to school after the pandemic, there have been misappropriations in the school bathroom, leading administrators to push for their ultimate closing.
“We have given students too many opportunities, it was about time they started replacing the bathrooms with more classrooms,” said AP Chemistry teacher Sal Vulcano.
Students and staff members, however, are torn in their response to the change. The study from Pottyjohn.com says “The removal of the bathrooms can infringe on students’ privacy during sensitive times. It can also preoccupy students’ thoughts during class time with anxiety about their bathroom access.”
However, these new classrooms will be given to teachers needing the resources. Votes will be held for everyone to choose which teacher they best believe needs or deserves one.
Rigatoni believes students and staff should all follow the motto, “Just hold it in.”
Hello, I´m Aiyana. I´m a senior working my first year along side the 42fifty staff here at Oswego High School.
Hola I'm Bri and this is my first year on 42/Fifty. I'm a Senior and Vice president of NAHS.
