Home Satire ] Too much stank: OH needs to close more bathrooms

[[SATIRE]] Too much stank: OH needs to close more bathrooms


*Fifty42 is 42 Fifty’s April Fool’s edition, and consists entirely of satire. This content is published purely for the purposes of humor and entertainment – it is entirely fictional and is not meant to be viewed as “real news” or taken seriously in any way. Any references to real people are based almost entirely in fiction.

Despite recent bathroom closures to stop students from vaping in the stalls, Oswego High School students are still given too many opportunities to use the restroom; practically every student has a cigarette in their mouth. 

My proposal is to get rid of them completely. Need to go? Hold it. 

“A jug should be distributed to all students at the beginning of next school year for students to pee in,” OHS senior student ZooWee Mama suggests. “This can optimize the amount of time students spend in the classroom.”

As for an environmental impact, the wonder of the outdoors is a great place to relieve oneself. This can save any stank that is produced from bathrooms in school. 

“In effort to embrace budget cuts,” OHS administrator Fluffy Gloomkins

 said, “We are now saving money using a new hold your pee method unless there’s a tree method.”

Fortunately for students against the closure, administration stated these students would be the first to pilot these alternate methods. 

Some methods presented from educated bathroom experts include:

“The dookie corner,” a suggestion presented by OHS senior Dippy Dawg. “There should be one in the corner of every classroom,” Dawg said. Inspiring. 

“Students are not motivated to learn,” OHS freshmen Eggwee Tootbottom said, “The bathroom gates bring too much relief into school ,and that is not okay.”

Although there is no confirmed decision for the complete closure of bathrooms, we can only hope the mile walk to the nearest one is enough to stop kids from vaping.  

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Hi! My name is Riley and it is my first year writing for 42fifty! I am extremely excited for this experience and I cannot wait to share stories. I am involved in news editing but focusing more on sport videos and articles for the website.



  1. I love the idea of less interruption to learning, but feel like this is a bit extreme. At my grade school we had a bathrrom attached to some classrooms. I like that idea! Let’s build one in every classroom!

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