Home Satire SATIRE: OHS students turn to communism

SATIRE: OHS students turn to communism

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crudely drawn communist logo

This article was originally published as part of the 2019 edition of Fifty 42. Fifty42 is 42Fifty’s April Fool’s edition, and consists entirely of satire. This content is published purely for the purposes of humor and entertainment – it is entirely fictional and is not meant to be viewed as “real news” or taken seriously in any way. Any references to real people are based almost entirely in fiction.

Last Friday, 10 Oswego High School students decided to follow the belief of communism after accusations of unfair school practices surfaced.

The leader—erm, I mean, initiator, because true communism has no leaders—of this group of students, senior Francis Lake, first brought up the idea to his sixth period Civics class.

“If everyone has the same amount of pencils, same classes, and the same textbooks, we shall all receive success in the future, with no man left behind,” Lake said. While these words went ignored by the 20 students on their phones or sleeping, 10 students found themselves inspired into a new way of thinking.

Lake’s vision has been realized. The group does indeed now holds the same amount of pencils, has the same schedules, wears the same clothes, eats the same lunches, and even goes to the bathroom all at the same time. On a surface level, this system seems to run perfectly and fairly.

One of Lake’s comrades, freshman Mike Xavier, explained how this group of communist students operates. After long debates with the board of education, the board ruled to allow a gulag to be built for the communist students to further practice their ideals.

“Students who betray our beliefs will be forced into a week of nightmarish torture: being made to do a reasonable amount of homework,” Xavier explained.

One of the OHS gulag survivors, junior Peter Barker, wants to expose the insincerity of the student communist society. Barker goes on to talk about how Lake would take his followers’ and his own possessions for his own use rather than the greater good.

“Our leader, Lake, would always take my things, claiming he wanted to “evenly distribute the wealth,” Barker said. “Although, when he tried to take my Airpods, I said no way. Music is the only thing that gets me through the day. So, I did what any reasonable high schooler would do in this situation, and I punched him in the face. This surprisingly led me to the OHS gulag for two hours of back-breaking school work.”

Lake has gone on to deny any selfish acts. “This Barker kid is only trying to slader us for attention and vengeance against his pain,” Lake claimed.

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