Disclaimer: *Fifty42 is 42Fifty’s April Fool’s edition, and consists entirely of satire. This content is published purely for the purposes of humor and entertainment – it is entirely fictional and is not meant to be viewed as “real news” or taken seriously in any way. Any references to real people are based almost entirely in fiction.
Perchance you have noticed an unusual weather pattern here at OH the past few days. It’s been unusually murky, with sad grey clouds everywhere you look. You may think this is a normal phenomenon, but really, this is the signal for the biggest event in our village’s history. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’ll give you one message.
The fog is coming.
What is the fog? Well, the fog is everything. The fog is nothing. It is the beginning and the end of all things we have ever known. It is the pinnacle of our history, the greatest phenomenon we could have the privilege of beholding. The fog is coming. The fog is coming.
“I’m so glad the fog is coming! It’s everything I ever wanted!” said freshman Ama Hughmann.
When the fog arrives, be aware. While this event is a joyous one, it sneaks up on the unprepared and the resistant, so when the fog creeps up on your neighborhood, should you be undesirable to the fog, there is a strict checklist you should follow.
First, trust no one. The fog will make not just you see things, but the people around you will have faces you can no longer recognize. They will tell you wonderful things, but their goals are beyond anything you can trust. Even if they take the form of loved ones, they are not to be trusted. Trust no one. They are planning something. The fog is coming.
“I saw my friend in our shelter when the fog came. But my friend never made it to the shelter. I don’t know what it was I saw,” said Finn Douhh.
Next, establish a sturdy shelter. The fog can leak into any crevice. It will find you. It knows where you are, it knows who you are, and it knows what you have done. The fog is the ultimate equalizer. It does not discriminate, and it does not forgive.
If you let it in, you will never be the same again. Seal your shelter tight, and do not give in to the whispers you will hear outside. They are trying to trick you.
“I saw a tall figure watching from my window. It had no way in, but it stood there…Menacingly…” Said Pat Rickstarr
Last, know the fog will never leave. It has spread across the entire planet. There is not an inch of terrain untouched by the fog. It is time to embrace it, to welcome it. This momentous occasion is to be celebrated, and I urge everyone to participate in this global event.
The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming.
My name is Pierre Vargas, I am a senior at OHS and this is my first year as a journalist and go by any pronouns. I am an artist, I particularly enjoy drawing cartoons, and I participate in art club and independently. You can email me through 42fifty@sd308.org and putting my name in the subject line. Feedback regarding our publications are encouraged!!
Fog is love, Fog is life <3