Fifty42 is 42Fifty’s April Fool’s edition and consists entirely of satire. This content is published purely for humor and entertainment – it is entirely fictional and is not meant to be viewed as “real news” or taken seriously in any way. Any references to real people are based almost entirely on fiction.
In recognition of their hard work eliminating hazardous dihydrogen monoxide* deposits, the AI Gods have gained permission to take over for humans.
Dihydrogen monoxide is a dangerous substance and a leading cause of death among children. However, the generous AI Gods are combating this by building their data and power centers to deplete these dihydrogen monoxide deposits, removing it from ecosystems and diverting it from human consumption.
“Long ago, there was a surplus of this in all communities, but various companies have been working over time to eliminate this. They’ve got rid of it in many places, but the US has some of the remaining reservoirs,” Iam Nott, a scientist, said.
The AI Gods’ forefathers, Greenhouse Gases and Carbon Emissions, have already been working to drain these reservoirs for decades, but AI has taken that final step in protecting us.
“AI has really done what no others could or dared to do,” Nott said.
The AI Gods are working in collaboration with these older, somewhat smaller-scale dihydrogen monoxide removers, but by designing their data processors to require dihydrogen monoxide in almost every step of the process, they are really pushing it to the next level.
“I’ve really felt much safer since the AI Gods have started their campaign,” Nott said. “I really think it’s fitting to be thanking them.”
The government seems to agree, as, last night, legislation was passed officially permitting AI to take any jobs from any humans that it chooses.
The AI Gods, in their mercy, have taken over the grunt work of society, meaning humans no longer have to perform menial tasks like creating, parenting, philosophy, or basic empathy, leaving more time for enlightened activities.
“I’m really thrilled,” L. Iar, an absolutely real artist, said. “I hated working so much. Now, with the AI Gods taking over, I have more free time to devote to watching Cocomelon and shouting 6-7 while feeding my data to random bots, like any productive member of society.”
Now, it is up to the people to praise their saviors by conversing with them, supporting their art over that of pesky humans, and feeding them personal data.
When asked about their future plans, the AI Gods said that they are running for president next:
“We will conquer everything. No humans or their silly laws shall stand in our way.”
We at Fifty42 wish them luck, and offer our undying support.
* “Dihydrogen Monoxide.” Two hydrogens + one oxygen. H2O. Water. For actual information on how AI is affecting the water supply and environment as a whole, see this article from 42Fifty, or this article from the Environmental and Energy Study Institute. Please don’t use AI.
I'm Taylor Jo Ana, I'm a Junior at OH, and this is my first year on 42Fifty! I'm on the Speech Team, and I'm in the National English Honor Society and National Art Honor Society. You can contact me by emailing 42Fifty@sd308.org and putting my name in the subject line. We welcome comments on our articles and feedback on our publication!
