Disclaimer: *Fifty42 is 42Fifty’s April Fool’s edition, and consists entirely of satire. This content is published purely for the purposes of humor and entertainment – it is entirely fictional and is not meant to be viewed as “real news” or taken seriously in any way. Any references to real people are based almost entirely in fiction.
The village president of Oswego has declared today that they will be dying the river in five different pastel colors on Easter: baby blue, light pink, pastel yellow, bright lavender, and pastel green. Additionally, there will be an egg hunt held in Hudson Crossing Park after the dying.
“I think it is a little unusual that they are dumping toxic chemicals into the Fox River,” said OH science teacher Thackery Corn. “It might not be too great for the environment, but at least it will look nice.”
Unfortunately, an Oswegoland Park District worker had a mix-up when ordering the dyes, and he accidentally ordered thousands of tons of textile dyes.
“Oops,” is all he had to say on the matter.
Textile dyes are known for causing disease, illness, and sometimes death when polluted in our waterways. However, this is fine according to another worker.
“We have to dispose of the dye somehow. It’s perfect that this happened with Easter right around the corner. We believe this will boost morale and make the people of Oswego happy,” said another worker.
“I hate it,” said OH junior Skylar White.
Unlike White, some students are grateful for the event, as they should be. The OH International Honor Society is offering up to 25 volunteer hours to help dye the river, helping out those who might be slightly behind on them.
“I am so thankful for this volunteer opportunity, you have no idea,” said OH senior Mya Shayla. “I’m about 25 hours behind and I graduate in two months, so this is perfect timing.”
Staying on a positive note, the beautiful colors from the not-too-harmful dyes will travel down the river, uplifting other Illinois communities like Yorkville and Ottawa.
“We didn’t agree to this,” said Yorkville High School senior Diaz Piamo. “Also, wouldn’t the dyes mix together to form an ugly brown or something? This is a…[great] idea.”
While this is a valid question, the praise for the event is even more valid. The Easter Bunny is also in support of the idea, but he could not comment.
“I am…[definitley] looking forward to this…[intelligent] event and I hope…[everyone shows up],” said Piamo.
I am a senior and this is my first year as a student journalist for 42Fifty. I currently play the trumpet in the OHS Marching Band and I am a member of BIONIC as well. I am excited for learning and gaining experience in journalism this year. You can contact me by emailing 42Fifty@sd308.org and putting my name in the subject line. We welcome comments on our articles and feedback on our publication!
“Oops” 🤣🤣🤣
Are we sure it’s not oil dumping?
HAhahahahah
I’m for it
Wheres Omni man
I think the display is a wonderful thing although it does smell funny
Oh yummy, really covers up that pollution smell.
I totally forgot I volunteered to dye the river…