*Disclaimer: The following senior column includes mention of suicide.
Freshman year was rough (starting my first year of high school at home and online), but not as chaotic as my sophomore year. Junior and senior year were truly amazing years for me being in high school. Just, sophomore year was… something else.
The second year of high school really changed my life in both good and bad ways. We all have to experience ups and downs at some point in our lives, but not when we are so young.
Making new friends was easy; being outgoing, extroverted, friendly, and kind. It was amazing. I made this new friend, Antonio Torres. We met through one of our friends, and we got along very well. We would play volleyball and basketball together almost every day and get closer and closer, starting to get along.
On October 22, 2021, I received sad news that my best friend, Mark Chapas had died from suicide. I found out through Snapchat when I was at home getting ready to go out, and I immediately called my other friend and told him what I found out. The both of us were in shock and had no idea what to say to each other. We eventually said goodbye and hung up the phone. Then I also called my mom and told her the news, and as soon as she got home, she hugged me, trying to make me feel better, telling me that everything would be okay.
I have always been aware of what suicide is and some possible warning signs, but I never thought I would lose someone to it.
Antonio coming into my life before Mark passed was the only thing that was balancing my life, not just everything going horrible. Even if something so horrible happens or is going to happen, something good will come to you sooner or later.
This took a huge toll on my life, especially because I was still young and did not know how to cope. I still went bowling that same day with Antonio because I didn’t want to bail on him at the last minute. He knew what was going on and was understanding, but I wanted to go, so I did.
After one week without my best friend, it felt different, like I could hear crickets everywhere I went.
Going to his funeral, almost a week after he died, really hit me hard. I’ve been to funerals before, but I was young, so I barely remember anything. So knowing that I was going to remember that day for the rest of my life, I knew I was going to struggle knowing that I saw him before he was buried.
I cried and cried and cried until I couldn’t see anything. My eyes were blurry, and I couldn’t breathe after reality hit me, he was actually gone.
To this day, I still believe he’s out there. I went to his grave on April 10, 2023, to help me realize that he wasn’t with us anymore. I thought that would put some sense into me to leave him to sleep in peace, but all I did was cry even harder each time.
Thinking about this now, it’s like Antonio was sent to me, knowing something horrible would happen. Mark knew I would need someone to hug, cry to, rant to, talk to, and more.
My friends and I still laugh, cry, talk, and rant about Mark. It’s either making jokes to cope, blaming ourselves, or asking ourselves questions that will never get answered.
Hello, my name is Alexa Cuevas and I'm currently a senior in high school. This will be my second year on being a staff member for 42Fifty and being a spanish editor.
