HAPPY APRIL, OHS!

BREAKING: AP BIO STUDENT FINDS CURE TO CANCER WHILE DISSECTING MONKEY BRAIN
BREAKING: ENGLISH TEACHER MAKES DOG GO TIKTOK FAMOUS, QUITS JOB IN STYLE
BREAKING: SAVE ON CRUISE TRIPS NOW! PRICES AT AN ALL-TIME LOW
FIVE TIMES THE ALGEBRA TEXTBOOK IN MY LOCKER HAS TOLD ME THE END IS NIGH
BREAKING: THE MONTH-OLD PB-AND-J IN MY LOCKER IS STARTING TO LOOK UNAPPETIZING
BREAKING: ANYBODY WITH A J-NAME CANNOT BE TRUSTED
(HEART)BREAKING: A SINGLE GOLDFISH HAS BEEN CRUSHED TO DEATH IN THE HALLWAY

*Fifty42 is 42Fifty’s April Fool’s edition, and consists entirely of satire. This content is published purely for the purposes of humor and entertainment – it is entirely fictional and is not meant to be viewed as “real news” or taken seriously in any way. Any references to real people are based almost entirely in fiction.

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COVID-19 Update: Infected OVMD students to only do Mongolian throat singing until cure is found

As one student, Othan Eng, explains, “I guess the change had come from the whole fact that Mongolians are amazing throat singers. And that you really don’t have to use your actual voice. And when everyone is sick all you get is a raspy like voice. So, in a way, your sick singing voice is very similar to Mongolian throat singing.”

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Students skip classes to join bathroom putt-putt tournament

UPDATE: Due to the recent COVID-19 pandemic, the sport is delayed until someone makes a Zoom hotspot so the tournament can continue from our own bathrooms.

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aDdItIoNaL hEaDlInEs!!!!!!!!!

Fossil found in Oswego is actually my dead fish named Edgar

TikTok Dance becomes core elective, ASL class still unapproved

OHS replaces all grass with gravel; gravel lot is now grass

Worm off the string?! What will he do?????!!!!

Med Topics class travels to Wuhan, China, for class project

Every mom for herself! Village of Oswego removes traffic light in front of intersection