by Jennifer Ruegsegger 42Fifty Staff Writer
On April 17, Mr. Nunamaker sent out the rundown for the graduation that will take place at Northern Illinois University. I have selected a few to insert my oh-so-bright commentary to pettily gripe about.
First on the docket,
“Traffic around NIU will be busy, so please plan appropriately. Doors will open starting at 2:00 pm.”
You would think they would clear the roads for this massive occasion. I mean, a graduating class of over 700 kids plus the family going to the ceremony.
“No cell phones, purses or other personal items are allowed. Please leave those items in your car or with your family for the duration of the ceremony. There is no place at the NIU Convocation Center to safely store them.”
What are we supposed to do the whole time? Watch as every single person walks up and shakes hands with the principal and whoever.
“Each guest will be allowed to bring in (1) Sealed 20oz. or smaller bottle of water only. No other food or drink may be brought into the building! NIU Security will ask you to dispose of it at the door.”
So you’re telling me that the observers up in the bleachers get to bring water, but the graduates can’t? It’s going to be great May 19 as I’m forced to watch my snotty sibling sip at water as my throat feels like sandpaper in the heat of May.
“Students must remain properly dressed throughout the ceremony and are expected to follow directions explained during rehearsal, or they will be excluded from the ceremony.”
Does this mean I can’t unzip my gown a little so I can air out a bit? Listen, I am a fiery red head that uses her anger to fill the void for the soul that isn’t there. Add a blazing sun and graduating gown to the mix, and I’m a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.
“The following items are prohibited: balloons, camera tripods, monopods, outside food and/or drink, noisemakers, signs or posters, baby strollers and/or baby carriers. These items will be confiscated and disposed of immediately.”
Does that include the air horn that I intend to blast whenever the flow of graduates is taking to long?
“All graduates will wear the cap and gown issued by Herff Jones (not altered in any way).”
So you’re telling me that I bought a cap that is 100 percent mine, but I hold no rights to decorate it? The system is broken man, I’m telling you.
“No blue jeans, shorts, tennis shoes, or flip flops are allowed.” & “Students should dress professionally and wear dress slacks, dress shirt and tie, a dress, a skirt or dress pants and blouse and dress shoes.”
I mean, I get this one. But I’m on a roll so I’ll complain anyway. I didn’t spend four years here just to be told that I can’t dress to my comfort on MY special day. This is my finish line, I made it through despite the odds. So you better bet that I will wear a Batman t-shirt and sweatpants underneath my gown, accompanied with a Batman symbol painted on top of my graduating cap… just kidding… sure I am…
And if you see a red head jump off the stage after receiving her diploma and walk straight out of the stage, you’ll know that it is me.